Monday, January 21, 2013

Mommy Dearest.

During the course of this pregnancy I've had several people comment about that fact that I will be a single mom. Not in a negative way, but just in a matter-of-fact way. And it's true, I will be. I'm also, by definition, a choice mom. And while I'm incredibly proud of that fact, it's something that I plan to remain mum about after my daughter is born. Maybe not to everyone, but for sure on public forums and in general conversation.


Well, honestly I am sick and tired of the single mother stigma. It's one that is given not only by others, but by single mothers themselves. While I understand (and will to an even greater degree once my daughter is born) that it's hard to be a single, working mother, I don't believe the job of  being a "mom" itself is EVER easy; single or not.  Yes, logistically those with mates may have it a bit "easier" when it comes to those type of things; taking the child here and there, watching the baby while the mom takes a bath, helping with household chores etc. But I'm sick of this belief that your marital status defines what it's like to be a mother for you. People automatically assume you have less money, you're beyond exhausted all the time and have no time to take care of yourself. And as I said, it's not just outsiders that draw these conclusions, but it's single mothers that push this mindset as well. I can't tell you how many times I've heard the words "Well, it's not easy being a single mother." Over and over. Every time I've wanted to answer, "Oh and it's easy to be a mom when you have a mate?"  Being a mom is tough. Taking the responsibility of someone else's life into your hands is never an easy task no matter what your marital status or gender for that matter. But parents do it day in and day out.

The same goes for choice moms as well. While it's a very noble thing that these women have done, I get sick of hearing about it over and over. "I chose to have a baby on my own." I'm not saying that I don't think it should EVER be discussed, but eventually, just be a mom. Why is it so vital to you that everyone know you made the choice to do it on your own? Is it a fear of people thinking you were reckless and just ended up pregnant? I assume that's a possibility and while I get that concept (cause I've had those thoughts too), I refuse to be defined by a title like that. While I get that it's a story to tell and a journey, my story and journey is going to be told in written form, not public displays. This isn't about ME, it's about my precious child.

I think a great example of this, is adoptive mothers. I've never ONCE heard an adoptive mother (single or otherwise) run around saying,  "I'm an adoptive mom!" They just love their babies and are so glad they have them; explanation of their motherhood status not needed.

So while I may post about being a choice mom and the steps that I've taken for now, as soon as my daughter is born I will no longer present myself as a choice mom or a single mom for that matter. Because at the end of the day, a mom is a mom is a mom. And that's exactly how I want to be recognized; just "mom."


  1. You've once again written a great post.

  2. Just make sure you don't accidentally give your daughter the idea that you are ashamed of how your family came to be.