Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Sibling Rivalry.

Having a donor conception means that my daughter will/does have half siblings. The cryobank that my donor worked with has a family forum that they utilize to assist families of the same donor in connecting and gaining information.

Out of total curiosity one day, I decided to look up my donor.  As it turns out my daughter has at least 5 half siblings that I know of and according to one of the other mothers, there is a total of 20 offspring thus far.  My donor has been retired and the only people who have access to utilize him are those that already have offspring by him and are trying to add to their families. 

While my stance on families is that they are what you make them, I still have some issues with whether or not I will introduce my daughter to the possibility of her half siblings; finding, meeting, etc. I believe she has a right to know and a right to meet them, should all parties be willing. But, this concept is not one that I want to introduce early on. While I have no intention of hiding my daughter's conception story from her, as previously stated, I don't intend for it to be the primary topic of her childhood.  With my egg retrieval  I was actually able to obtain eight embryos that are at full 'blast" stage and ready to be transferred. Of those, I used two for this cycle, so that leaves me with six. It would/will be down the line a few years, but I do plan on having more than one child and plan on making the best of those remaining embryos. So, should God decide to bless my uterus again, my daughter will have at least one full sibling. 

This raises the question of when is the appropriate time to bring this topic up? I don't want to wait until she's a teen, I think that's a little too late. But I don't want to do it while she's still in elementary school. 

I plan on keeping in touch with some of the other mothers through email. Two of them are choice moms as well. We are going to exchange photos of our kids and such, but other than that I don't plan on them or their children having any contact with my daughter for quite some time. 

Being an only child, I can't fully understand the sibling connection. I do, however, have family and friends that have siblings and half siblings that they didn't know growing up. While every person is different and none of them have spoken with me about the matter, none of them have seemed too terribly bothered by the issue. They all view their current families as their families and seem to leave it at that. 

I guess this is just one of those "figure it out as you go" type of things. Time will tell. 

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