As I write this, tears are streaming down my face. It has been hell the past two days and there is no end in sight.
I woke up Friday knowing that I felt flu like symptoms coming on. Sure enough, bright and early Saturday morning I have a full blown flu.
Let me back up a second since I haven't written in awhile. I'm now 38 weeks pregnant and at that stage where I'm just done. There is no comfort, there is no rest, there is nothing but pain. All day, every day. My back, my hips (her bottom is wedged into my right side and she will not be moved), my ribs, and my legs and feet. When I went to the doctor at 36 weeks he said that she had really dropped and that could be a good sign that she could come early.
Okay so back to this weekend. After waking up with the flu, I took a bath hoping to ease some of the pain. Nothing. I tried propping myself up in various ways on pillows. Nothing. I could not lay, stand, sit, roll, bend, twist into any sort of comfortable or even semi comfortable position. After wrestling around awhile with all the pillows and blankets, I said forget it and just laid sprawled out in pain. After an hour or so I managed to doze off and slept about half an hour. Woke up feeling worse. Mom came by with meds and a thermometer. Fever. Yay. Took meds and tried to sleep but really just repeated the morning. Fever got higher. Called doctor. Wrong medicine. Go to the drugstore at midnight and get more meds and juice. Try to rest. Fever breaks. Think I'm better. Head is worse than anything else now. Lymph nodes swollen. Can't sleep last night. 4am. Fever. And repeat. Go to doctor. No change in baby. No signs of progress. He actually said she's "high."
Yes, I wanted to be pregnant more than anything and still want this child more than anything. But I'm done. I'm beyond done. At the stoplight on the way home I burst into tears and all but screamed, "Get out!!!! Get out, get out!!!!"' I don't know how I'll make it one more day let alone two more weeks.