Tonight I've been sitting here thinking about life. Thinking about how it throws us curve balls left and right. No matter how much we plan ahead and prepare for the future, something always messes with those plans and preparations. In a way, it's a good thing because it teaches us adaptability and personally, I feel adaptability is one of the greatest qualities one can possess in life. However, it is still frustrating when things take a random and unforeseen turn.
For example, my road to motherhood. Originally, the job I was at had a work-from-home policy that allowed employees to work from home a few day a week with the correct approval. I took this into account when choosing the road I did. Granted, it was not the REASON I chose to be a mom and I can't say I would have chosen differently had I known what the future held. But, it was a nice add-on, shall we say. Then suddenly that job had an expiration date. Although unknown, it was inevitable and my survival depended on finding another job.
Since I was planning on being a mother in the near future, I decided to look for jobs near my family so that I would have them close whenever the time came. As luck would have it, I did, in fact find a job close to my family. So I broke my lease and relocated. Though the job didn't allow working from home, I moved into an apartment that was 4 minutes away from my job, thus allowing me less time on the road and more time with the baby. It would also allow me to go home during lunch and spend time with her as well. Fast forward to the present day. I am without a job and will most likely end up having to drive a good hour for work. This will put me dropping my child off for care around 7am and picking her up about 6pm; almost 12 hours later. I'll have to go to bed much earlier than I am now in order to survive sleep wise, so that will probably give me all of 4 hours to spend with her each day. The thought makes me sick to my stomach.
Yes, I know I chose this life for myself and I wouldn't change that choice if I could. I'm simply mourning the time lost with her. I may eventually relocate again. That would put me further away from my family, but once I start working again, our time together will be limited anyway.
I know in my last post I said I wasn't cut out to be a stay-at-home mom, and I'm not. But I do wish I could spend more time with my girl than what will most likely be my reality. I guess on the bright side it will make our time together that much more special.
Bumpity bump, bumpity bump...onward we go.