Bumps In The Road.

Tonight I've been sitting here thinking about life. Thinking about how it throws us curve balls left and right. No matter how much we plan ahead and prepare for the future, something always messes with those plans and preparations. In a way, it's a good thing because it teaches us adaptability and personally, I feel adaptability is one of the greatest qualities one can possess in life. However, it is still frustrating when things take a random and unforeseen turn.

For example, my road to motherhood. Originally, the job I was at had a work-from-home policy that allowed employees to work from home a few day a week with the correct approval. I took this into account when choosing the road I did. Granted, it was not the REASON I chose to be a mom and I can't say I would have chosen differently had I known what the future held. But, it was a nice add-on, shall we say. Then suddenly that job had an expiration date. Although unknown, it was inevitable and my survival depended on finding another job.

Since I was planning on being a mother in the near future, I decided to look for jobs near my family so that I would have them close whenever the time came. As luck would have it, I did, in fact find a job close to my family. So I broke my lease and relocated. Though the job didn't allow working from home, I moved into an apartment that was 4 minutes away from my job, thus allowing me less time on the road and more time with the baby. It would also allow me to go home during lunch and spend time with her as well. Fast forward to the present day. I am without a job and will most likely end up having to drive a good hour for work. This will put me dropping my child off for care around 7am and picking her up about 6pm; almost 12 hours later. I'll have to go to bed much earlier than I am now in order to survive sleep wise, so that will probably give me all of 4 hours to spend with her each day.  The thought makes me sick to my stomach.

Yes, I know I chose this life for myself and I wouldn't change that choice if I could. I'm simply mourning the time lost with her. I may eventually relocate again. That would put me further away from my family, but once I start working again, our time together will be limited anyway.

I know in my last post I said I wasn't cut out to be a stay-at-home mom, and I'm not. But I do wish I could spend more time with my girl than what will most likely be my reality. I guess on the bright side it will make our time together that much more special. 

Bumpity bump, bumpity bump...onward we go.

June Cleaver I'm Not.

For years I have thought that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. My mom was, as were my aunts and my grandmother.  It seemed easy enough. Wake up, feed a baby, change a diaper, lay a baby down for a nap, do some housework while watching a soap opera, feed a baby, change a baby, lay a baby down for the night, take a bath and go to bed. Easy peasy!!  However, this unplanned bout of unemployment along with my original maternity leave has left me feeling quite differently than before.

THERE IS NO WAY IN HADES THAT I COULD BE A STAY-AT-HOME MOM!!

At least not until this child is maybe 2 or 3. Oh.My.God. It is sooooooooo much more work than I ever thought possible. Things that theoretically should take 30 minutes take 3 hours. There is never a routine, even if you're IN a routine. Nothing goes the same way twice. It is insane!!!!  Many days I don't eat until after 4pm!! And as far as my house?? Well, see for yourself.....

 

(Yes, that's a diaper on the counter. We had to take a hasty bath and that's where it ended up.)

 

 

Granted, I'm a single stay-at-home mom and perhaps a spouse would make things easier to a degree, but in my mind I actually think it might make things harder. Tired husband comes home from work expecting dinner and clean house. Tired wife is expecting husband to take care of the baby for a little while so she can eat, shower etc.  You get where there is going. 

 

Either way, as much as I love my child, I was not cut out to stay with her 24x7.  Some may say that makes me a bad mother and yada, yada. But, I know I'm a good mother and that I love my baby. I also know that I'm a person who needs the structure and routine that an outside job provides. So as much as I'm going to hate to be away from Audrey, I am looking forward to going back to work.

 

To any of you who are stay-at-home moms, my hat is off to you. If you're a single stay-at-home mom....well, you're just Wonder Woman. And if you're a married stay-at-home mom, I hope your spouse appreciates you for all you do!!! You deserve it!!!

 

 

 

 



 

 



Blessings In Disguise

Well, I returned to work only to be laid off. Changes are being made at the company and my position is relocating. Believe it or not I've felt it in my gut for a long time that this would happen. Not sure why, but I just knew it would. Oddly enough, for some reason I feel completely at peace about the situation. I am getting a decent severance so I don't have to scramble to find something in a week or so and I'm very grateful for that. And, this just means that I will get to spend more time with my precious Audrey.  I've already put my feelers out to my contacts and have at least two or three people to send my resume to. I'm also looking into work-from-home opportunities. All in all, I'm viewing this as a blessing in disguise. God will make a way. And until he does....I'm at stay-at-home mom!!