Back To Life, Back To Reality.

Tomorrow (today, actually) I return to workforce after being away from it for four and a half months. Although the loss of my previous job was a difficult blow to take, I am so grateful that I have been able to spend this priceless time with my daughter. I do think it will be harder to leave her this time than the last. We have a deeper bond now. But, I know she will be in good hands; being taken care of by people that I love. My original child care plans fell apart, so now she will spend her weeks between three different people. It will be some adjusting for her but she's a smart cookie so I know she will do just fine.

While I'm going to miss her, I am excited to get back to work. The company I'm going to work for has never had anyone in my position so I will be forging the way, so to speak. I'm excited to implement policies and procedures. Also, it seems like a fast-paced environment and I thrive in that dynamic. So, I'm hopeful it will be a good fit.

Audrey is growing, growing, growing! She freely flips over from her back to tummy now. She tries to lunge forward, but hasn't quite managed to yet. She is babbling a lot now...or rather gurgling a lot. It's so stinking adorable. The teeth mentioned in the previous post still have yet to surface but I have a feeling we are on the verge. I will be sure to share a picture as soon as I can get a good one.

We went trick-or-treating at our church for Halloween. Audrey went as Cinderella and my bestie's little boy, P, went as Prince Charming. The bestie and I have decided to dress them as iconic couples for as long as we can without them pitching a fit. Hopefully as they age picture taking will be a bit easier than it was this year. Ha! Here's the happy couple.

My Cinderella!

Bumps In The Road.

Tonight I've been sitting here thinking about life. Thinking about how it throws us curve balls left and right. No matter how much we plan ahead and prepare for the future, something always messes with those plans and preparations. In a way, it's a good thing because it teaches us adaptability and personally, I feel adaptability is one of the greatest qualities one can possess in life. However, it is still frustrating when things take a random and unforeseen turn.

For example, my road to motherhood. Originally, the job I was at had a work-from-home policy that allowed employees to work from home a few day a week with the correct approval. I took this into account when choosing the road I did. Granted, it was not the REASON I chose to be a mom and I can't say I would have chosen differently had I known what the future held. But, it was a nice add-on, shall we say. Then suddenly that job had an expiration date. Although unknown, it was inevitable and my survival depended on finding another job.

Since I was planning on being a mother in the near future, I decided to look for jobs near my family so that I would have them close whenever the time came. As luck would have it, I did, in fact find a job close to my family. So I broke my lease and relocated. Though the job didn't allow working from home, I moved into an apartment that was 4 minutes away from my job, thus allowing me less time on the road and more time with the baby. It would also allow me to go home during lunch and spend time with her as well. Fast forward to the present day. I am without a job and will most likely end up having to drive a good hour for work. This will put me dropping my child off for care around 7am and picking her up about 6pm; almost 12 hours later. I'll have to go to bed much earlier than I am now in order to survive sleep wise, so that will probably give me all of 4 hours to spend with her each day.  The thought makes me sick to my stomach.

Yes, I know I chose this life for myself and I wouldn't change that choice if I could. I'm simply mourning the time lost with her. I may eventually relocate again. That would put me further away from my family, but once I start working again, our time together will be limited anyway.

I know in my last post I said I wasn't cut out to be a stay-at-home mom, and I'm not. But I do wish I could spend more time with my girl than what will most likely be my reality. I guess on the bright side it will make our time together that much more special. 

Bumpity bump, bumpity bump...onward we go.

June Cleaver I'm Not.

For years I have thought that I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. My mom was, as were my aunts and my grandmother.  It seemed easy enough. Wake up, feed a baby, change a diaper, lay a baby down for a nap, do some housework while watching a soap opera, feed a baby, change a baby, lay a baby down for the night, take a bath and go to bed. Easy peasy!!  However, this unplanned bout of unemployment along with my original maternity leave has left me feeling quite differently than before.

THERE IS NO WAY IN HADES THAT I COULD BE A STAY-AT-HOME MOM!!

At least not until this child is maybe 2 or 3. Oh.My.God. It is sooooooooo much more work than I ever thought possible. Things that theoretically should take 30 minutes take 3 hours. There is never a routine, even if you're IN a routine. Nothing goes the same way twice. It is insane!!!!  Many days I don't eat until after 4pm!! And as far as my house?? Well, see for yourself.....

 

(Yes, that's a diaper on the counter. We had to take a hasty bath and that's where it ended up.)

 

 

Granted, I'm a single stay-at-home mom and perhaps a spouse would make things easier to a degree, but in my mind I actually think it might make things harder. Tired husband comes home from work expecting dinner and clean house. Tired wife is expecting husband to take care of the baby for a little while so she can eat, shower etc.  You get where there is going. 

 

Either way, as much as I love my child, I was not cut out to stay with her 24x7.  Some may say that makes me a bad mother and yada, yada. But, I know I'm a good mother and that I love my baby. I also know that I'm a person who needs the structure and routine that an outside job provides. So as much as I'm going to hate to be away from Audrey, I am looking forward to going back to work.

 

To any of you who are stay-at-home moms, my hat is off to you. If you're a single stay-at-home mom....well, you're just Wonder Woman. And if you're a married stay-at-home mom, I hope your spouse appreciates you for all you do!!! You deserve it!!!

 

 

 

 



 

 



Blessings In Disguise

Well, I returned to work only to be laid off. Changes are being made at the company and my position is relocating. Believe it or not I've felt it in my gut for a long time that this would happen. Not sure why, but I just knew it would. Oddly enough, for some reason I feel completely at peace about the situation. I am getting a decent severance so I don't have to scramble to find something in a week or so and I'm very grateful for that. And, this just means that I will get to spend more time with my precious Audrey.  I've already put my feelers out to my contacts and have at least two or three people to send my resume to. I'm also looking into work-from-home opportunities. All in all, I'm viewing this as a blessing in disguise. God will make a way. And until he does....I'm at stay-at-home mom!!

Operation Child Care = Completed!

If you read my previous post, you'll know I've been looking for personalized child care for Audrey since I was about 6 months pregnant, if not sooner. I've asked friends/relatives, looked at the online sites, posted on Facebook, etc. Originally I wanted a nanny in my home, but I quickly found that the going rates would not work with my budget availability. So, I started looking for an in-home daycare, but wanted it to be someone I knew or a referral. No luck. As the time crept closer and closer for me to go back to work, I knew I had to make SOME arrangements, even if they weren't long term ones.

While trolling Facebook one day, I noticed that my cousin-in-law (hehe) had posted an advertisement for a daycare run by their church. Though I've never wanted to put Audrey in daycare, if I HAD to, I preferred it be one that I knew could be trusted. After stopping by and meeting the staff, I decided to go ahead and enroll her there. It was going to be the best option even though it was going to be about a half hour trip each way from my house and back to work.

Saturday evening after returning home from the beach, I noticed my dogs eyes were practically swollen shut. An emergency trip to the vet revealed they were and also came with a very high price tag. That development along with a few other things have forced me to go back to work 2 weeks prior to my scheduled return. Although I had a place to take Audrey, I really didn't want her in a daycare setting until she was at least 8 weeks old (which will be next Tuesday). So, I decided to line up family and friends to keep her the remainder of this week (I am back at work today) and then take her to the daycare a week early. I lined up family for today and tomorrow but still needed someone for Thursday and Friday. So, I posted on Facebook that I was looking for a sitter and would pay.  A recently added friend of mine commented asking if I was looking for someone just up until Audrey was 8 weeks old. Long story short, after messaging I have found in-home care for Audrey!! And to sweeten the pot, it's only about 10 minutes from where I live!!!!! I could not be happier!!