Change Is A-Coming.

When I can sense big changes on the horizon in my life, my first instinct is to look back at things in my past; almost as though I'm asking my past for permission to move forward. I become reminiscent. I start looking through old pictures, old emails, etc. I have a good laugh or two and sometimes a good cry or two. And then I go through the phase that I despise. I call it the "holding" phase.

It's a phase where I'm not quite ready for the coming change, yet I know I can't go back. With one foot in my past and the other in my future, I find myself stuck; on "hold." It's usually a very long phase as well, which is one of the reasons that I despise it so. Some days I'll wake up thrilled about my future and what it holds. I'll be all smiles all day long; singing in the car, laughing with friends, loving life. And yet the very next day I could wake up terribly upset. I'll spend the day listening to old songs and thinking about old times with lost friends wishing that I could somehow find a time machine and go back to a place that is familiar. No matter how bad things might have been, at least they were familiar. I knew what was coming unlike the daunting future in which nothing is clear. And sadly, nothing helps. No one can help me make it better. No amount of prodding or pleading will change anything. I am the only one that can pull myself out of this phase and only when the time is right. 

I'm fairly certain the purpose of this phase is to teach me and to heal me. To teach me lessons from my past so that I don't make the same mistakes in the future and to heal me from any wounds that I might have acquired. 

So here I sit...on hold again.....at least I'm in charge of the music selection....

Back To Life, Back To Reality.

Tomorrow (today, actually) I return to workforce after being away from it for four and a half months. Although the loss of my previous job was a difficult blow to take, I am so grateful that I have been able to spend this priceless time with my daughter. I do think it will be harder to leave her this time than the last. We have a deeper bond now. But, I know she will be in good hands; being taken care of by people that I love. My original child care plans fell apart, so now she will spend her weeks between three different people. It will be some adjusting for her but she's a smart cookie so I know she will do just fine.

While I'm going to miss her, I am excited to get back to work. The company I'm going to work for has never had anyone in my position so I will be forging the way, so to speak. I'm excited to implement policies and procedures. Also, it seems like a fast-paced environment and I thrive in that dynamic. So, I'm hopeful it will be a good fit.

Audrey is growing, growing, growing! She freely flips over from her back to tummy now. She tries to lunge forward, but hasn't quite managed to yet. She is babbling a lot now...or rather gurgling a lot. It's so stinking adorable. The teeth mentioned in the previous post still have yet to surface but I have a feeling we are on the verge. I will be sure to share a picture as soon as I can get a good one.

We went trick-or-treating at our church for Halloween. Audrey went as Cinderella and my bestie's little boy, P, went as Prince Charming. The bestie and I have decided to dress them as iconic couples for as long as we can without them pitching a fit. Hopefully as they age picture taking will be a bit easier than it was this year. Ha! Here's the happy couple.

My Cinderella!