Change Is A-Coming.

When I can sense big changes on the horizon in my life, my first instinct is to look back at things in my past; almost as though I'm asking my past for permission to move forward. I become reminiscent. I start looking through old pictures, old emails, etc. I have a good laugh or two and sometimes a good cry or two. And then I go through the phase that I despise. I call it the "holding" phase.

It's a phase where I'm not quite ready for the coming change, yet I know I can't go back. With one foot in my past and the other in my future, I find myself stuck; on "hold." It's usually a very long phase as well, which is one of the reasons that I despise it so. Some days I'll wake up thrilled about my future and what it holds. I'll be all smiles all day long; singing in the car, laughing with friends, loving life. And yet the very next day I could wake up terribly upset. I'll spend the day listening to old songs and thinking about old times with lost friends wishing that I could somehow find a time machine and go back to a place that is familiar. No matter how bad things might have been, at least they were familiar. I knew what was coming unlike the daunting future in which nothing is clear. And sadly, nothing helps. No one can help me make it better. No amount of prodding or pleading will change anything. I am the only one that can pull myself out of this phase and only when the time is right. 

I'm fairly certain the purpose of this phase is to teach me and to heal me. To teach me lessons from my past so that I don't make the same mistakes in the future and to heal me from any wounds that I might have acquired. 

So here I sit...on hold again.....at least I'm in charge of the music selection....

Hush Little Baby??? Not so much....

So today was my "initiation" day into the sorority of motherhood. Up until this point I've been pretty lucky in that the most difficult thing I've had to deal with was being pooped and peed on. But today I encountered (and am still encountering) the dreaded fighting of sleep. At least that's what I think it is. Whatever "it" is, it is the most frustrating, tiring thing EVER. Seriously. 

It all started yesterday evening. After two great nights of sleeping (in two 4 hour increments) and two good days, I felt fairly certain that we were developing a routine. Audrey seemed to sleep and eat around the same times for those two days and that was wonderful. However, upon arriving home last night that dream was shattered. She stayed awake the majority of the night and refused to sleep even when it was blatantly clear that she was exhausted. After such a night, I assumed today would be a "sleep" day for her. Wrongo. From about 11:30am until 5:00pm, Audrey slept maybe a total of an hour. That would have been no biggie, except the hours in between were filled with nothing but eating, dirty diapers and tears (tears from both mommy and baby).  This girl fights sleep like none other. And when I finally do get her to sleep, she sleeps for 20 minutes and then wakes up again and the entire process starts all over. I've tried everything; bouncing, singing, rocking, walking, and even vibrating. Nothing works. 

I know this too shall pass, but for tonight, I am one tired mommy that can now officially say, I'm earning the title. 

Good night, dear ones. I hope yours is better than mine! 

Tired mommy and baby....

New Look, New Name, Same Blog.

Whatcha think?  I decided it was time to revamp and change things up a bit.

And of course couldn't do a post without an Audrey picture. Here is my baby, spreading sunshine.