You've Been Warned.

I realize it's been FOREVER since I've posted and sadly, if you're looking for a happy-go-lucky post, this will not be it. I need to get some things off my chest though and this seems to be the best way. I promise you a happy post coming up next week.

Life has been coming at me like crazy these past few months, and frankly, I need a break. I need a rest. I don't know if that means a vacation or just a week off but something has got to give. And when I say I need a break I mean from everything; including my child. I can see some of your shaking your heads in disapproval already. "What? A break from your baby? How horrible!"  I mean, I knew what I was getting into, right? Being a choice mom and all, so how dare I need a break from my kid? How about, because I AM a choice mom, which means I have no one to help relieve me. Ever. I'm not a single parent who has a baby daddy that comes once a week or once every other week to take her for a few days. Sitters are proving to be beyond ridiculous to find and even when you do find them they tend to want a month notice before agreeing to watch the baby. My bad, I didn't realize I would have a tough week this week....a month ago. Well, too bad!! Guess I should have thought of that before I had a kid without a husband. Maybe I should go find one now. Oh wait, you have to date to do that. Hope he likes kids....cause one will be sitting next to us.....on our date. And I also hope he's okay with day dates....like lunchtime dates, because Audrey's bedtime is now 7:30, so past that time, all is pointless.

None of this means I don't love my child, by the way. Nor does it mean that I wish I hadn't made the choice to have her. It means I'm human, I'm not superwoman and I'm beyond exhausted. Along with all of that, it feels like none of the effort and work that I put in is even noticed. I think two, maybe three people have ever actually told me that I'm a good mother.  I mean, I know I'm a good mother, but it's just like hearing "I love you" from someone that you know does, it goes such a long way in helping me feel like it's all worth something in the end. I tell Audrey regularly, "Mommy's doing the best she can." Maybe one day she'll understand, who knows. For now, mommy's done for the day. Hope you all have a fabulous Saturday evening. I'm going to bed.

Hush Little Baby??? Not so much....

So today was my "initiation" day into the sorority of motherhood. Up until this point I've been pretty lucky in that the most difficult thing I've had to deal with was being pooped and peed on. But today I encountered (and am still encountering) the dreaded fighting of sleep. At least that's what I think it is. Whatever "it" is, it is the most frustrating, tiring thing EVER. Seriously. 

It all started yesterday evening. After two great nights of sleeping (in two 4 hour increments) and two good days, I felt fairly certain that we were developing a routine. Audrey seemed to sleep and eat around the same times for those two days and that was wonderful. However, upon arriving home last night that dream was shattered. She stayed awake the majority of the night and refused to sleep even when it was blatantly clear that she was exhausted. After such a night, I assumed today would be a "sleep" day for her. Wrongo. From about 11:30am until 5:00pm, Audrey slept maybe a total of an hour. That would have been no biggie, except the hours in between were filled with nothing but eating, dirty diapers and tears (tears from both mommy and baby).  This girl fights sleep like none other. And when I finally do get her to sleep, she sleeps for 20 minutes and then wakes up again and the entire process starts all over. I've tried everything; bouncing, singing, rocking, walking, and even vibrating. Nothing works. 

I know this too shall pass, but for tonight, I am one tired mommy that can now officially say, I'm earning the title. 

Good night, dear ones. I hope yours is better than mine! 

Tired mommy and baby....