10 Months Old!

In just three days my chunka will be 10 months old! I say it every time, but I cannot believe it. This past month/age has been one of my favorites for sure. She is into so much and learning new things almost daily. Here's a quick overview of the exciting things that have been going on.

Chunka LOVES to read. 

This is her favorite book entitled "Baby's Best Friend." She has been known to let you read to her for a solid hour. 

Chunka loves to play with her blocks/name puzzle.

She can't quite figure out how to place the letters yet, but she knows what she's supposed to be doing. 

Chunka loves her ball pit. 

A gift from a friend; this has quickly become one of her favorite attractions. She dives in and crawls out with ease and speed! 

Chunka can almost walk! 

She flies around with the help of this walker, but it won't be long until she's walking tall on her own. 

Chunka can say "night night."

Chunka can say "duck."

Speaking of "duck," Chunka LOVES her duck.

He is her best buddy and is always close by her side. 

My angel baby is the light of my life!!!!!!!!! I never knew I could love on this level. And it gets deeper and deeper with every day that passes. I love you, Audrey Emeline!!

You've Been Warned.

I realize it's been FOREVER since I've posted and sadly, if you're looking for a happy-go-lucky post, this will not be it. I need to get some things off my chest though and this seems to be the best way. I promise you a happy post coming up next week.

Life has been coming at me like crazy these past few months, and frankly, I need a break. I need a rest. I don't know if that means a vacation or just a week off but something has got to give. And when I say I need a break I mean from everything; including my child. I can see some of your shaking your heads in disapproval already. "What? A break from your baby? How horrible!"  I mean, I knew what I was getting into, right? Being a choice mom and all, so how dare I need a break from my kid? How about, because I AM a choice mom, which means I have no one to help relieve me. Ever. I'm not a single parent who has a baby daddy that comes once a week or once every other week to take her for a few days. Sitters are proving to be beyond ridiculous to find and even when you do find them they tend to want a month notice before agreeing to watch the baby. My bad, I didn't realize I would have a tough week this week....a month ago. Well, too bad!! Guess I should have thought of that before I had a kid without a husband. Maybe I should go find one now. Oh wait, you have to date to do that. Hope he likes kids....cause one will be sitting next to us.....on our date. And I also hope he's okay with day dates....like lunchtime dates, because Audrey's bedtime is now 7:30, so past that time, all is pointless.

None of this means I don't love my child, by the way. Nor does it mean that I wish I hadn't made the choice to have her. It means I'm human, I'm not superwoman and I'm beyond exhausted. Along with all of that, it feels like none of the effort and work that I put in is even noticed. I think two, maybe three people have ever actually told me that I'm a good mother.  I mean, I know I'm a good mother, but it's just like hearing "I love you" from someone that you know does, it goes such a long way in helping me feel like it's all worth something in the end. I tell Audrey regularly, "Mommy's doing the best she can." Maybe one day she'll understand, who knows. For now, mommy's done for the day. Hope you all have a fabulous Saturday evening. I'm going to bed.

Mosaic Monday: Mommy & Me

I've yet to announce on my blog until today, I GOT A JOB! YAY!!! I start next Monday. I'm really excited to get back to work, however I know I will miss my baby girl! We've become quite the duo. 

I'm linking to Mosaic Monday. 

Date Me Not.

So I went on a date last night; the first one in over a year. About a month ago I got back on eHarmony and Match. Since I didn't conceive my daughter the "traditional" way, I've never felt like there was a need for a hiatus from dating after she was born.

I was really excited. I did all the girly things like get a manicure and text pictures to my friends for their approval. We met for dinner at a place near my house. Nonni watched the baby. I had a great time. Nice guy. Tall, funny, easy to get along with. So, second date, right? Wrong. While I fully enjoyed being out with him, I came to the realization that I am not ready to date and I don't know if I ever will be.

Dating in and of itself has always been a pain to me anyway. My experiences in the past have been less than pleasant to say the least. Let's see, there was the guy that got a table for us in the bar so that he could watch the football game (note this was our first date). Then after sitting in the bar and watching the game the entire time, decides he's going to try to come back to my house by saying he wants to meet my dog. Ummmmm...no dude, you don't. Trust me. Then there was the guy that found it fully appropriate to tell me a story involving a "massage parlor" on our first date. There was the guy that insisted on calling me before we met and talking for about 4 hours each day, thus on our first date we had NOTHING to talk about. Then there was the guy that I never even had a first date with. We were supposed to meet for lunch and when I got busy at work and had to cancel, he adamantly told me that I could not cancel on him because he had "scheduled me in." I could go on, but you get the idea.

But regardless of my track record, my reasons for feeling like I may never date again have nothing to do with the actual men themselves.  Instead they have to do with one thing: expectations.

Expectations are everywhere in life, but they are really strong in the dating world. You meet someone online or through a friend and decided to go on a date. Boom! Expectation. Whether it's for the other person to pay for the meal or for a goodnight kiss, something is expected. And frankly, I'm tired of feeling like I have to live up to anyone's expectations. I'm having a hard enough time living up to my own expectations as it is! I have no job after CHOOSING to give birth to my daughter. I have a body that I don't have a clue what to do with. I'm not fat in any way, but my body is just....different. I have skin that hangs on my stomach that used to be completely taut against it. I have lines and creases in random places. Then on top of that I have a house that is completely a mess more than half of the time. And on top of that I have child who is dependent upon me for her every need. And THAT reason, above all, is the most important.

I have a child. She needs me. My time and energy need to solely focused on her and providing for her. Not on trying to meet some guy's expectations of me. And on top of that, I'm just not ready to share her yet. I worked so hard to have her on my own, that I want to keep her on my own for a very long time.

Maybe one day the man of my dreams will knock me off of my feet. But for now, the girl of my dreams has my full attention.

3 Months Old

Can't believe it!! My baby girl is 3 months old! She's growing so big so fast. She is "talking" a lot now and loves to smile and laugh. She's not rolling over yet, but she is certainly moving. If you place her in one spot while she's sleeping, she will end up in a completely different spot and position.  She still doesn't really like the car seat. She will take it for awhile but if she's in any way shape or form tired, it is not a pleasant thing. She's fully sleeping through the night which is WONDERFUL. She has been napping a lot less and for shorter periods of time. I haven't weighed her in awhile but I would guesstimate she's around 13 pounds. She still fits in some 0-3 month clothing but can also fit in some 3 month and some 3-6 month. She's crazy long with long limbs. Her feet are super skinny but LONG!

So in love with my angel baby! We decided to put on a fancy dress to celebrate our "birthday." As you can see, she had quite a time with the tulle. I love you, miss Audrey!! Happy 3 months!

This and That.

Life is a bit chaotic at the moment. My days are filled with job searching, telephone screenings and the like. I had an interview on Monday. It was the first one I've had. I've had several phone interviews/screenings, but none of them have turned into a solid interview. And boy, was it an interview!  Three and half hours with six people. Yes. Six people. Insane! I THINK it went really well, but you never know with those type of things. They didn't say when they would be making a decision by but my guess would be by the end of the week. Fingers, toes and eyes crossed that I get it. The company is amazing and I think it would be really great to work for; a place to retire at, actually.

On the baby front, Audrey is growing leaps and bounds. She turned 10 weeks old yesterday. Cannot believe it. She's really starting to come alive and has such a little personality. She laughed out loud for the first time today. She's laughed in her sleep before but never AT something/someone. This one was brought on by mommy singing and dancing with her to Disney songs.  She's also hitting milestones; holding her head more and with better control, holding herself up on her arms (not quite there yet, but almost), sleeping through the night (BIG ONE!) and eating like crazy. I will probably start adding some cereal to her formula in the next two weeks. We will see how that goes.

Well, that's all from this side of the world. Until next time, lovelies.

Fatherly Facts.

If you've not been following me long, or perhaps have just forgotten (wink wink), my choice of a donor was an interesting process. You can read about it in my previous post, The Donor Discussion.

Anyway, last night I got more information on my donor to keep for Audrey. I'm compiling all of the info that they will give me and keeping it for her. Originally, I had his profile summary but not the complete profile. I decided to wait until she was born to get that. Well, after doing so last night (along with his audio interview), I found out several things that I think are totally cool. Here they are:

1. He is a singer (tenor). He also plays the guitar, piano and trumpet

If you know anything about my family, you know that we (THEY) are musical. I missed that boat entirely, but pretty much everyone on my mom's side of the family is musical, even going back to my 2nd great grandfather, who recorded the first ever phonographic recording of Cotton-Eyed Joe (you can read that story here, on my aunt's blog.) So hopefully Audrey will take after her father and MY mother's family and not HER mother. Ha!

2. He is ambidextrous, as are his parents.

I find this fascinating (as I do with all people who are ambidextrous). I am one of two known people in my family who are left-handed, so I am excited to see what miss Audrey will end up being.

3. He is an only child. 

I am an only child and it's possible that Audrey will be an only child. Don't know why, but I find that cool.

4. He speaks, writes and reads three languages: English, French and Portuguese. 

I knew by his profile summary that he was half Portuguese (making my daughter 1/4 Portuguese) but I had no clue he was fluent in the language! His grandfather was French, and I'm assuming that's where the French portion comes into play. I speak no other language, but would love for my daughter to be able to speak another language. Maybe I'll invest in Rosetta-Stone and we can both learn! Hehe.

5. He is very involved with his community, including being a part of Big Brother/Big Sister.

In 2011, I joined the Big Brother/Big Sister program. I ended the match when I moved to where I am now, as the commute was crazy and I knew with the baby coming, I would not be able to invest the time that I should. However, it is still something I am passionate about and plan to be involved later on down the road. I also plan to get Audrey involved as well.

There were several other things I found to be interesting, but those were the ones that really stood out. I find it so cool how many similarities are between us (minus the language part, ha!). I am super excited to watch Audrey grow and see what traits and attributes she has/picks up.

Final note, I think she's going to be taller than I am. I'm 5'9. He's 6'2. My mother is 5'5. My father is 6'2. His mother is 5'8. His father is 6'2.  Sounds like WNBA player in the works to me!

My long-limb child! 

Out and About.

Well, new motherhood is in full swing.  My baby girl is three weeks old! We are still working on some sort of a routine, but I've pretty much just said forget it; we will get one when we get one.  As of now, Audrey wakes up about two times a night and to me, that's pretty darn good. Our days consist of a whole lot of nothing with an occasional outing. At first, my OCD self struggled with this. I'm very much a person who thrives on consistency, routine and structure. However, if there is one thing an infant does not allow for, it's structure! I learned this very quickly and have finally embraced it. I do make an effort to keep some sort of order to our days. I try to have at least one "outing" per day, even if it's just to the apartment clubhouse to meet up with a friend. I think doing so helps me keep my sanity and also gives me a reason not to become totally lazy. I make myself dress "up" even if we are just going to Nonni's house. I'll take a shower and put on my makeup...little things that help curve my obsession with control. Hehe.

Audrey is amazing. She is seriously the calmest, most chill baby I do believe I've ever seen. She only cries when something is wrong (she's hungry or needs a diaper change). She gets a little fussy when she's gassy, but you can tell that's what's wrong and when I say "fussy" I mean some big frowns and an occasional whimper. Other than that, she is the picture of serenity. I find it quite humorous actually considering her mother has 2 anxiety disorders. However, it just proves that anxiety disorders are developed due to circumstances and over time vs. being a chemical imbalance or hereditary (but that's another topic for another day).  No matter the reason, I am truly BLESSED to have such a calm baby and I am fully aware of this and grateful for it.

We've gone out on several adventures since my last post. Two were shopping trips (naturally), one was to the salon and the other was to see my grandparents (it was also Audrey's first road trip - to read more about it, you can head over to Nonni's blog).  All outings went swimmingly.

The first was to Old Navy. Mommy has gone up two sizes in the lower half of her body since having a baby. I know it takes time for the body to recoop after having a child, so it's possible that I'll end up back where I started, however, the change is more of a "hip widening" vs. actual weight. I'm actually only 5 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight and only 11 pounds away from my pre-IVF hormone weight. And in all honestly, I would be a total happy camper if I stayed where I am. I tried for years to put on weight, so maybe this will be my victory in that department. Anyway, while I'm not investing in an entire new wardrobe just yet, I did need to pick up at least a couple of bottoms to get me through maternity leave. So, I decided it would be the perfect opportunity to break out the stroller for the first time and see how Audrey enjoys shopping. She apparently loves it. She slept almost the entire time! We did end up spending 40 minutes in the dressing room, however. Audrey woke up while mommy was trying on clothes and needed a full feeding/diapering before we could leave. She still never made a peep the entire time and was passed out again by the time we got to the car.

The second trip was to the salon. My cousin, Anna (or Aunt Anna as she's known to Audrey) went with us. Mommy needed a trim and also my hairstylist is a good friend of mine and he needed to meet the baby! So, the three of us piled in the car and headed his way. Audrey was fantastic. Did her whole sleep/eat/diaper thing and that was about it.

The third trip was to the mall. Yes, I braved the mall with a three week old. And....she did perfect! Again, slept most of the time, or just sat in her stroller and looked around at everyone without making a sound. Love her!! We have several outings coming up this weekend and I'm excited about those.

Life is truly amazing and I couldn't be happier. Every day is so full of meaning and full of life.

Well, that's all for now! I'll leave you with some pics of my little angel baby!!

New Look, New Name, Same Blog.

Whatcha think?  I decided it was time to revamp and change things up a bit.

And of course couldn't do a post without an Audrey picture. Here is my baby, spreading sunshine.

Fleas and Family.

Fleas??  Yes, fleas. Apparently one of the two fleas that I found on Charlie over a month ago laid eggs and they decided to hatch right as I got home with a newborn baby. Oh what a joy it's been. I discovered them about a week ago when I spotted two of them on Audrey's bassinet. You can imagine the panic that ensued. We slept on the couch that night. The next day I had my apartment complex spray for them and we went back later that evening. Within the first 5 minutes of being home, I spotted two fleas and one spider. We packed up and went to Nonni's. And....we're still here. Apparently the flea treatment works over a period of 6 days during which you have to vacuum every day to ensure that the larva are killed and removed. I also went above and beyond and did some bug bombing and even did some flea powder under my bed this evening. Lord willing and the creeks don't rise (old Southern saying), we will be going home on Wednesday. I am so grateful to Nonni for letting us stay with her, but I am ready to be in my home!!! And while I know she will miss Audrey, I'm not sure about me and I know she won't miss the dog! Ha!

During our stay with Nonni, we decided to go and visit my grandparents. They had yet to meet angel girl and were greatly wanting to do so.  So, Saturday we loaded up the car and set out on Audrey's first road trip. It's a two hour ride and she did AMAZING. Slept the entire way there and the entire way home without making one peep.  My nana and papa were so happy to meet the newest family addition. They ooed and ahhed over her. My nana especially loved holding her while she slept and papa enjoyed talking to her while she was awake.

My papa talking to Audrey girl. 

My nana holding Miss Audrey. 

Mommy kissing the most precious feet. 

4 generations. Audrey, me, my mom (Nonni) and my nana

It was a great trip and I'm so glad we got to see them! Hopefully we get to do it again soon.

Life, though frustrating and tiring, is grand these days. Every day I wake up to the most amazing little girl ever. I used to live my life looking forward to planned events, trips, vacations etc. But now I look forward to every waking moment of life. I look forward to waking up at 3:00 am just so I can see her precious face. She is everything I hoped for and more.

I'm not sure if my theory is correct or not, but I think it has a good shot at being right. Audrey's favorite place to sleep is curled up on my chest in the fetal position. While thinking about it today it hit me that perhaps it's because she can hear my heartbeat that way, just like she did in the womb. No matter the reason, it's truly the most amazing feeling in the world having my daughter's favorite place to sleep being curled up on her mommy.  I love her to the moon and back.

A Day of Firsts.

Yesterday was a day of firsts for my Audrey girl.

The 1st first was her first appointment with the pediatrician. Originally we were scheduled for an 8:15am appointment, however, we are so not on a sleeping and eating schedule yet so mommy totally overslept. Luckily they had another opening at 10:45 and we took that one. We snapped a photo while in the waiting room. I love how she's smiling!! Hehe!!

Audrey girl is doing just great! She's grown half an inch and put on .6 oz since her discharge from the hospital. The doctor said she is taller than 82% of babies in her age range. And he guesstimates based on my height and her dad's height that she will be 5'9 (which is how tall I am). 

During the appointment my angel doll was just PERFECT! They had it beyond freezing in the office and of course she had to be undressed. She let out a tiny whimper when I took off her onesie, but I quickly covered her up in a blankie her Aunt Dayle bought her and she became quiet as a church mouse. 

Then at the end of the appointment they had to prick her foot and squeeze out blood drops onto a paper for screening. My sweetie let out exactly two cries and then did this,.....

Yep. Curled up on her mommy and fell asleep while they squeezed her poor little foot for about 10 minutes. PERFECT BABY!!

The 2nd first was so very precious. Audrey laughed out loud for the first time today. She had her little eyes closed and let out the cutest little giggle you've ever heard! I've read that when babies smile at a young age it's really gas and I assumed when they laughed it was the same thing. I've had a couple of people say that it's not gas and that she really is laughing. Not sure if there is science or not to back up either theory but I will take it as being a real laugh! So cute! 

The 3rd and final first was Audrey's first sink bath. While Nonni was changing her diaper we had a bit of an accident (several accidents, actually) and it seemed like the perfect time to break out the baby bather. Nonni was happy to be the first at giving the bath while mommy snapped some pictures. 

It was a very big day for my girl and a big day for mommy too! I am so excited about the many others to come!!! I love her so much it's insane!!! 

Labor & Delivery

My baby girl is one week old!!! Everything seems so surreal. I guess as time goes on, it will sink in, but for now, I'm just living in a dream; the most amazing dream I've ever had.

As promised, here is the fabulous tale of Ms. Audrey's arrival. 

Last Monday was a really rough day for me. There had been a lot of back and forth regarding what exactly was going to take place on induction day with regards to the care of my dog, the arrival and departure of family and friends, etc. All of it was quite overwhelming and I found myself stressed to the MAX. Earlier in my pregnancy, my doctor told me that in my last trimester I could have a glass of red wine every now and then if I wanted and that night was definitely a night for a glass. So, I called my good friend and she brought over a bottle (yes, I only had one glass) and we sat and talked for about two hours. After she left, I decided to take a hot bath to finish off the evening and go to bed.

Around midnight I started having contractions. They were very spaced apart and nothing that I hadn't experienced before, so I thought nothing of it. Then around 1:00 am, I started noticing they were happening more frequently, so I decided to time them. I timed them for about 2 hours. They came every 20 minutes and lasted about a minute and a half. Around 3:00 am I decided to call the hospital and see what they thought and to see if/when I was supposed to come in based on contractions. The nurse that I spoke with told me that 20 minutes was way too far apart to go in and that based on the fact that I wasn't dilated at my last appointment (which was earlier that morning) she thought it was false labor. As the night went on the contractions got stronger and stronger. I continued to time them, but the times were all over the place. 4 minutes, 6, 9, 12, 14, 30 seconds....it was nuts. The pain was such, however, that I could not sleep. Just as I would doze off I would have another one and it would jar me awake. As the night turned into early morning, the pain became unbearable unless I was in a tub of hot water. I got in and out of the bathtub goodness knows how many times. I was talking out loud to try and ease the pain. I would try breathing and beating the tub (don't judge) but nothing really helped.  Finally at 7:30 am I called my doctor's answering service and asked to be connected to him.  He told me to go to the hospital just to be sure that I wasn't in labor.

So, I called my mom and asked her to come get me. By this time the contractions were getting closer together and I was struggling to even get dressed. Mom arrived around 8:30 am and away we went. Upon arrival at the hospital, they wheeled me up to labor and delivery to check whether or not I was actually in labor. I've never wanted to be the woman that cried "wolf" and knew I would be mortified if it was, in fact, false labor. Imagine my surprise when the nurse said, "She's at a 4-5."

I was immediately added to the epidural list and received one about an hour or so after arriving. They checked me again about 20 minutes after the epidural took. I was at an 8. An hour or so later I was at a 10, however I was BEYOND exhausted and starving which combined with the epidural caused for a great amount of shaking. The nurse thought it best to let me "labor down" for a couple of hours to avoid tiring out during pushing. It was discovered during that time, that Audrey was head down, but face up. They had me lay a certain way for about an hour so that she would turn over and like a good girl, she did. Around 2:45 pm the nurse suggested that we do some practice pushes so she could see how well I would do at pushing. After 3 practice pushes she said "Oh I see hair." They called my doctor to come over. He arrived at 2:54 pm and at 2:59 pm, Audrey Emeline entered this world.

I was completely exhausted and still shaking profusely so I opted to rest for a bit before holding her but when I did, it was love at first sight. She is my angel, my perfect baby, my reason for living. I cannot wait to share my life with her.

Seeing my Audrey girl for the first time. 

Later that night, talking to my girl. 

Napping the next night with my angel. 

She was/is such a good baby and sleeps almost entirely through the night. 

This is the exactly how she used to curl up in the womb. 

Ready to go home!!

Our first car seat ride. She did FAB! Slept the entire time. 

Introducing.....Audrey Emeline

6/18/2013

2:59 PM

6lbs 5oz

20 inches

 

 

Yes, I am in love........

 

Full labor and delivery story to follow in the next few days.......

Mosaic Monday - Mother of 1

Well, today is my due date. Still no baby Audrey, but I'm hopeful! :) We are still moving forward with inducing on Wednesday should she not show her face before then. My last doctor's appointment is today. One final check and then I have to go to the hospital for some pre-induction testing. Not sure what all of that will consist of, but I'm sure it will be mounds of fun. Tehehe.

I'm at place mentally where reality is kicking in yet I'm still in a bit of a daze. It's hard to believe that in a little over 72 hours I will be a mother. It's been a long 9 months (10 months) and a long journey since the beginning of this road to motherhood. It's been fun and exciting at times and hard and frustrating at others. But I can truly say that no matter what my feelings or struggles have been during it all, I have never once questioned my choice.  And though there have been days of complete and utter breakdowns, I know it's all part of the process (and incredibly common in pregnant women.)

For now, I leave you with a look back over my pregnancy. Next time we meet, I will be Leslie, mother of one.

I'm linking to Mary's Mosaic Monday.

Meralgia Paresthetica

Happy Friday!

Preggo has developed a new condition called Meralgia Paresthetica.  I don't know why they have to make the names of conditions way more complicated than they actually are! Here's the run down: a hand-size spot on my upper, outer thigh (left) goes completely numb, tingles and goes into a burning pain if I stand or walk for an extended period of time. Extended meaning, three trips up and down the stairs and/or in and out of the car a few times.....really just day to day walking and standing. 

Originally I thought it was simply the baby lying on a nerve. During my second trimester she would randomly lie on a nerve that would cause my entire nose to go numb and now she has a nerve she lays on that causes me to go numb right above my right rib cage. So when I felt the tingling and numbness yesterday, I just assumed that's what it was. I started noticing it at work but it was mild and so I didn't really pay it much mind. Then after work, I had a couple of errands to run. I went to two stores and was in and out of both very quickly; just a walk to get what I needed and back to the car. After the second store I started noticing a pain radiating from the spot as well as the tingling and numbness. I text my bestie to see what she thought and she said what I had been thinking; baby on a nerve. But after getting home and going up and down the stairs three times (to the apartment, get the dog, take out dog and back up the stairs) I suddenly had a pain so sharp that I almost fell over. Not only was the spot on my thigh hurting/burning but it was starting to move further down my leg. I quickly grabbed a snack and headed to bed. Just getting in the bed relieved it a little but it was still very painful. I ended up staying in bed about two hours; took a nap. When I woke up I could still feel the tingling and a slight burning. That's when I took to the Internet to see what I could find.  Now most people would say not to do that and self-diagnose, however, I've correctly self-diagnosed three conditions that I've had so far; conditions that not even doctors could diagnose. Therefore, I'm pretty confident in my ability to figure out what is going on with my body by checking out symptoms online. Sure enough, on a pregnancy thread I found meralgia paresthetica. After looking up the definition, I knew immediately that's what it was. I go to the doctor on Monday and I'm sure he will confirm (if he really even can diagnose something like that). But the fact that it clearly states the "outer thigh" and that every single symptom listed is what I have AND that it's common in pregnancy lets me know that it is, in fact what I'm dealing with. 

Sooooooo, where does that leave me? Well, luckily I sit for my job so I am not up and on my feet a lot during the day. However, I still have several things that need to be done before the baby gets here. Since I am limited on how long I can walk/stand without having the pain start, I'm trying to stick to just the necessities like showering, getting dressed etc. I have decided to break things that need to be done into 10-20 minute blocks. This will allow me to come home from work, where I have been sitting all day and get a couple of things done before the pain gets to the point that I can't stand. So tonight I'll go home, put up the dishes in the dishwasher, load the dirty ones, change, make a TV dinner and get in bed. That will probably wipe me out and sadly will be all I can do for the evening. After I rest a few hours I will get up and take a bath, probably take the dog out again and then back to bed. I hate it, but I'm afraid this is just my life for the next 5 weeks.  I just hope having a plan to get things done will allow me to do just that. Luckily, I was smart enough to put her crib and changing table together months in advance. Her Pack N' Play is together, her stroller is together and her car seat is in place and ready to go. Nothing really needs to be done in that aspect. Now it's more things like organizing shower gifts and making sure the house doesn't go into complete disarray.  

Wasn't that a pleasant post leading into Mother's Day?! Teeheehee.  I will close by saying: Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers out there and all of the mothers-to-be! I hope your weekend is filled with love and appreciation. Until next time, here is me and mine. 

Mosaic Monday: Bitter End.

We are approaching the end and the closer we get the more miserable I become. I've been hyping myself up for this last bit and clearly it didn't work. Ha! I am soooooo tired. I do get random bursts of energy but they are short lived and almost not worth taking advantage of because after exerting the energy, I'm doubly exhausted.

Luckily I've accomplished almost everything on my "to-do" list before Audrey's arrival. I detailed my car last weekend (notice I said "I" detailed.) Spent 4 hours on it at least. It turned out awesome though and the next day I successfully put in baby girl's car seat. I love it!!! Shortly thereafter, Charlie and I went on a test drive. I've got to see how she will be in the backseat with the car seat there. So far she's been nothing but a doll. She got a little aggressive when someone walked next to the window while the car was parked, but I know she's crazy protective already, so pretty sure that's all that was. I'll make the final decision on whether or not to let her ride next to Audrey after I see how she responds to her.

The other biggie on my to-do list was/is to finish my apartment. I'm not quite there but I'm so very close. Nonni came over this weekend and helped me finish Audrey's area. I think it is sooooo cute. I'm still waiting on one more piece to pull it together, but once I get that I'll post a picture. Now all that's left is my vanity/dresser and I have NO clue what to put there. It may just end up staying barren like it is now. I will try my best to put my OCD aside and just let it be. Hehe.  Other than that, the only thing I need to do is give the house a good cleaning....and soon. I am just guessing but I highly doubt that I'm going to feel like doing much besides surviving after the next 2-4 weeks! 

On a personal note, if you read one of my latest posts, you know that I was considering cutting all my hair off. Well, I did it. So glad that I did. It's super easy and just really fits my lifestyle at the moment. 

I am looking really pregnant these days. I went to my fertility clinic's annual baby shower this weekend and my doctor said, "Wow! That is a bump!" Indeed it is. And becoming bumpier every day!. I'm to the point that if I drop something on the floor I have to seriously consider how badly I need it before attempting to pick it up.  I can also feel her dropping and I've had several Braxton Hicks.

My shower is in 3 weeks! Very excited about that. I now wish I had opted to have it at 7 months pregnant vs. 8 months pregnant, but hindsight is 20/20. As long as they prop me up on a couple of pillows I should be okay.

Well, I guess that's all the news I have for today! Hope everyone has a great week!

31 Weeks!


~ I'm linking to Mary's Mosaic Monday. ~ 

Nice to Meet You.

It might seem odd that a single, pregnant woman would be talking about dating but that's exactly what is happening in this post.

Believe it or not I've had several men interested in dating me even though I'm pregnant. The fact that there is no "baby daddy" in the picture seems to take the edge off and some actually find the fact that I knew what I wanted and went for it admirable. 

Having said that, I've yet to be interested in a relationship at this point. There are the more obvious reasons like the fact that my daughter will take up the majority of my time and energy (as it should be) for quite awhile. But there are other reasons, well mainly one, that factor into my lack of desire to jump back into the dating pool.  

Dating has become a total madhouse. I'm not talking about casual dating (hookups here and there), I'm talking about serious, "I'm looking for the one" type of dating. 

Dating for the purpose of a long-term relationship generally happens via online dating, although sometimes it can be a setup between mutual friends, etc. And while I've heard several success stories from those who have met their mates online, I find that these stories are a rarity and also are between people who are in their late 30's/early 40's and/or they actually met when online dating was really starting to take off  and are not recent connections. I, personally, have had years of online dating experience and even met a former boyfriend online. However, since my most recent bout with dating (the one that sent me flying in the Choice Mom direction), I have realized two things:  A.  I've grown up really quickly and matured in my overall thinking towards dating and B. Most people who are dating (primarily) online are lost, hurt by their past and trying to find a savior who can rescue them (I know this because I've been one of them.)   

It starts out like this. A guy sends you a wink or a request to chat or whatever that particular site has. You respond back with a wink or a "Hey, I'm good how are you?" blah, blah, blah. A small amount of chitchat is exchanged but it's a VERY small amount. And all too quickly, things start to take a turn in the "deep conversation" direction.  He then asks what you're looking for (which is already clearly stated in your profile, should you have filled it out correctly) and tells you exactly what he's looking for. He wants to know about your exes, (what happened, what went wrong) and he wants to tell you about his. He wants to make sure you understand that he's looking for keeps and that he's tired of dating and is ready to settle down. His expectations are high but he's willing to give the same in return and promises you he's worth it.  All of this before you've even seen the man in person. Before you've heard his voice, before anything. We're already talking about expectations, the past and the possible future and for all I know you could have a lisp so strong I can't understand you or body odor so strong you'd give a skunk a run for his money.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that those aren't important topics but for the love of Pete, MEET ME FIRST! And don't meet me with any expectations of a future together. Let's make it through happy hour and maybe I'll tell you that I don't date men who smoke. But until we've established that we are somewhat compatible and attracted to each other, let's not order the wedding invitations and change our Facebook relationship statuses. 

Sadly, this isn't just an online thing anymore. I've also had it happen before blind dates and big group meetings where there was a particular person that my friends thought I might mesh with. It just seems that everyone is so quick to jump in headfirst these days. I've come to realize that it's really just a bunch of hurt people trying to avoid repeating the past. When you get to know someone slowly, you put yourself in a very vulnerable position. But when you hand out demands and expectations before you even meet the person, you're already distancing yourself from them.

If you knew the old me, you are probably picking your jaw up off of the floor because I used to be just like that.  I don't know if it's the pregnancy or what, but for some reason I no longer have a desire to rush into anything. Actually, I want to take it slow; very slow and easy, even if it makes me vulnerable. I want to meet  in a setting where there's no pressure. Buy me a snow cone and tell me you hate the Yankees and we'll go from there. But don't tell me what you hated about your ex so that you can compare me to her and don't lay out a list of demands a mile long. 

The truth of the matter is that we all have the same basic desires when it comes to relationships. We all want to be loved, respected and encouraged by the person we're with. Therefore there really is no need to go into meeting someone by voicing that you need/want those things. Instead, find out who they are, find out the little things. I've had people tell me that the little things aren't important, but I really believe they are. When I look back on my past relationships, those were the things I loved the most about the other person; the small things we had in common, like both singing loudly and off-key to the radio, or the fact that we both loved banana and peanut butter sandwiches. I'm not saying those things trump love and respect, but I think they actually make a relationship what it is. 

So before we go any further, my name is Leslie, my favorite colors are pink and purple, I like to turn the radio up as loud as I can take it in the car, I don't like squash or cauliflower,  and I HATE the Yankees.  

We're in the Home Stretch!

THIRD TRIMESTER!!!!! Can't believe it's here! Yesterday marked three months exactly until Peanut's due date. Just three short (hopefully) months! I've got stuff going on from now until April so that will fly by. The month of April is pretty tame right now so hopefully that time will be spent finishing up my apartment, namely my room and her area in it. 

I'm getting really nervous but really excited. It's still all very surreal.  Over the past week I have felt all of that second trimester energy drain and I am now totally exhausted. I want to do nothing but sleep all day. I've become accustomed to sleeping on my side and can actually get somewhat comfortable at night unless my back is acting up. Baby still moves a lot, but she's calmed down a little bit. She's about 15 inches long now according to my calculator so she is clearly running out of room in there. Now it's mainly about the weight gain. Last week she weight approx. 2 pounds. I have my final (I believe) ultrasound next week and I hope they do all her measurements and weight her as best as they can. I have no clue how that's done but I've heard several mothers-to-be say the baby was "weighed" at their appointment. We shall see. I'm excited to see her once more before I actually meet her.  I've been contemplating what she will look like recently. My vote is for brown eyes and brown hair. I have blue eyes, her dad has brown eyes, I have brown hair, her dad has blond hair. With that combo I look for the brown gene to dominate. I've been praying she gets his complexion rather than mine. He is half Portuguese and tans very easily. I have somewhat of a pink undertone to my skin and am more on the fair side. I can tan, but it's by the sweat of my brow these days. So ultimately, I could end up with a brown haired, brown-eyed, tan little girl! I would love that! I guess I could also end up with a blue-eyed, blond haired, fair little girl, but with what I've read about gene domination, I think that's a less likely scenario. No matter what the combo is I'm sure she will be gorgeous. :)  Already a proud momma, if you can't tell! 

On another note, the weather has finally become very enjoyable. I am breaking out my tshirts and shorts. YAY! I've got to get a few more casual tops for the remainder of the pregnancy but I am pretty much set in the bottoms and work department. Now that I'm almost done I get my wardrobe situation under control. Ha! Oh well. I will for sure be keeping all of my maternity clothing in case there is a second baby in my future. 

Along with the fabulous weather comes many things I am excited about: sno cones, baseball games, cookouts, etc.  I've already had five sno cones since last weekend. Yes, five. I've been craving them since January so it will be interesting to see how many I have. Hehe. 

That's all for now. Hope everyone has a great week! 

27 Weeks. 

Anyone Know Where I Can Find Mary Poppins?

Obviously due to my route to motherhood, I am going to be a working mom and I am totally okay with that. Even if the circumstances had been different and I had been married, I still think I would have gone back to work. The thought of someone else being responsible for my survival is not something I'm very fond of.

Originally I planned on getting a nanny, but the prices they charge are almost equal to a regular full-time job. And I do get it; it is a full-time job. However, it is one you can go to in your pajamas, do your own thing when the kid is sleeping, watch movies, talk on the phone, eat, etc. I guess for that reason I hadn't expected the cost to be as unruly as I see it. The only nannies who are in my price range are about 19 years old and look like they are headed to the club. Not. Gonna. Happen.

So, unless some miracle happens between now and mid-August, I will have to put Peanut in daycare.

I hate daycare. Even before I worked in several, I have always hated them. After working at one, my fears were confirmed and I now hate them even more. The child/teacher ratio is ridiculous. No one person can give adequate attention to 6 infants without something or someONE falling by the wayside. I know some parents will argue and say that it's good for the children to be with other children and at an older age, I totally agree. But in infancy I totally disagree. A child that young doesn't need to socialize with their peers. They need to be cared for by adults. They need face time/bonding time and lots of it. The thought of my child just lying in a crib the majority of the day or on the floor on a blanket is very unsettling. And I don't care WHAT the teachers tell you, that's what happens. I know, I lived it.

But, I knew going in that this was a possibility.  I just keep reminding myself that it's not forever. Once she hits the age of really learning and grasping things I will find another alternative. I will NOT have a daycare teach my child. I know for a fact they have the young children watch movies that I do not approve of and if you read my previous post, you know that I don't approve of young children watching anything really. It's a group parenting mentality and I will not allow my daughter to experience it. If I have to sell my car and buy a clunker or do away with my iPhone to afford personalized care, so be it. What she experiences in her early years will shape a lot of her world in the years to come and I've made a commitment to ensuring that those experiences are what I choose for them to be and not what someone else thinks they should be.

Sibling Rivalry.

Having a donor conception means that my daughter will/does have half siblings. The cryobank that my donor worked with has a family forum that they utilize to assist families of the same donor in connecting and gaining information.

Out of total curiosity one day, I decided to look up my donor.  As it turns out my daughter has at least 5 half siblings that I know of and according to one of the other mothers, there is a total of 20 offspring thus far.  My donor has been retired and the only people who have access to utilize him are those that already have offspring by him and are trying to add to their families. 

While my stance on families is that they are what you make them, I still have some issues with whether or not I will introduce my daughter to the possibility of her half siblings; finding, meeting, etc. I believe she has a right to know and a right to meet them, should all parties be willing. But, this concept is not one that I want to introduce early on. While I have no intention of hiding my daughter's conception story from her, as previously stated, I don't intend for it to be the primary topic of her childhood.  With my egg retrieval  I was actually able to obtain eight embryos that are at full 'blast" stage and ready to be transferred. Of those, I used two for this cycle, so that leaves me with six. It would/will be down the line a few years, but I do plan on having more than one child and plan on making the best of those remaining embryos. So, should God decide to bless my uterus again, my daughter will have at least one full sibling. 

This raises the question of when is the appropriate time to bring this topic up? I don't want to wait until she's a teen, I think that's a little too late. But I don't want to do it while she's still in elementary school. 

I plan on keeping in touch with some of the other mothers through email. Two of them are choice moms as well. We are going to exchange photos of our kids and such, but other than that I don't plan on them or their children having any contact with my daughter for quite some time. 

Being an only child, I can't fully understand the sibling connection. I do, however, have family and friends that have siblings and half siblings that they didn't know growing up. While every person is different and none of them have spoken with me about the matter, none of them have seemed too terribly bothered by the issue. They all view their current families as their families and seem to leave it at that. 

I guess this is just one of those "figure it out as you go" type of things. Time will tell.