Fatherly Facts.

If you've not been following me long, or perhaps have just forgotten (wink wink), my choice of a donor was an interesting process. You can read about it in my previous post, The Donor Discussion.

Anyway, last night I got more information on my donor to keep for Audrey. I'm compiling all of the info that they will give me and keeping it for her. Originally, I had his profile summary but not the complete profile. I decided to wait until she was born to get that. Well, after doing so last night (along with his audio interview), I found out several things that I think are totally cool. Here they are:

1. He is a singer (tenor). He also plays the guitar, piano and trumpet

If you know anything about my family, you know that we (THEY) are musical. I missed that boat entirely, but pretty much everyone on my mom's side of the family is musical, even going back to my 2nd great grandfather, who recorded the first ever phonographic recording of Cotton-Eyed Joe (you can read that story here, on my aunt's blog.) So hopefully Audrey will take after her father and MY mother's family and not HER mother. Ha!

2. He is ambidextrous, as are his parents.

I find this fascinating (as I do with all people who are ambidextrous). I am one of two known people in my family who are left-handed, so I am excited to see what miss Audrey will end up being.

3. He is an only child. 

I am an only child and it's possible that Audrey will be an only child. Don't know why, but I find that cool.

4. He speaks, writes and reads three languages: English, French and Portuguese. 

I knew by his profile summary that he was half Portuguese (making my daughter 1/4 Portuguese) but I had no clue he was fluent in the language! His grandfather was French, and I'm assuming that's where the French portion comes into play. I speak no other language, but would love for my daughter to be able to speak another language. Maybe I'll invest in Rosetta-Stone and we can both learn! Hehe.

5. He is very involved with his community, including being a part of Big Brother/Big Sister.

In 2011, I joined the Big Brother/Big Sister program. I ended the match when I moved to where I am now, as the commute was crazy and I knew with the baby coming, I would not be able to invest the time that I should. However, it is still something I am passionate about and plan to be involved later on down the road. I also plan to get Audrey involved as well.

There were several other things I found to be interesting, but those were the ones that really stood out. I find it so cool how many similarities are between us (minus the language part, ha!). I am super excited to watch Audrey grow and see what traits and attributes she has/picks up.

Final note, I think she's going to be taller than I am. I'm 5'9. He's 6'2. My mother is 5'5. My father is 6'2. His mother is 5'8. His father is 6'2.  Sounds like WNBA player in the works to me!

My long-limb child! 

Sibling Rivalry.

Having a donor conception means that my daughter will/does have half siblings. The cryobank that my donor worked with has a family forum that they utilize to assist families of the same donor in connecting and gaining information.

Out of total curiosity one day, I decided to look up my donor.  As it turns out my daughter has at least 5 half siblings that I know of and according to one of the other mothers, there is a total of 20 offspring thus far.  My donor has been retired and the only people who have access to utilize him are those that already have offspring by him and are trying to add to their families. 

While my stance on families is that they are what you make them, I still have some issues with whether or not I will introduce my daughter to the possibility of her half siblings; finding, meeting, etc. I believe she has a right to know and a right to meet them, should all parties be willing. But, this concept is not one that I want to introduce early on. While I have no intention of hiding my daughter's conception story from her, as previously stated, I don't intend for it to be the primary topic of her childhood.  With my egg retrieval  I was actually able to obtain eight embryos that are at full 'blast" stage and ready to be transferred. Of those, I used two for this cycle, so that leaves me with six. It would/will be down the line a few years, but I do plan on having more than one child and plan on making the best of those remaining embryos. So, should God decide to bless my uterus again, my daughter will have at least one full sibling. 

This raises the question of when is the appropriate time to bring this topic up? I don't want to wait until she's a teen, I think that's a little too late. But I don't want to do it while she's still in elementary school. 

I plan on keeping in touch with some of the other mothers through email. Two of them are choice moms as well. We are going to exchange photos of our kids and such, but other than that I don't plan on them or their children having any contact with my daughter for quite some time. 

Being an only child, I can't fully understand the sibling connection. I do, however, have family and friends that have siblings and half siblings that they didn't know growing up. While every person is different and none of them have spoken with me about the matter, none of them have seemed too terribly bothered by the issue. They all view their current families as their families and seem to leave it at that. 

I guess this is just one of those "figure it out as you go" type of things. Time will tell. 

The Donor Discussion.

Second and last re-posting from my old blog. This one explains how I went about choosing a donor.

I've had several people ask me how I came to choose a donor and what exactly it entailed, so I decided to post about it.

My physician works with two specific cryobanks (sperm banks).  So the first step was creating accounts on their websites. After checking them both out, I decided on one rather than the other based on a couple of things (cost, ID options, donor information, etc.).  Then I began to narrow it down based on physical attributes. I’ve read on several occasions that when selecting a sperm donor you should remember that this is not someone you’re dating, but someone that is going to provide the other half of genes to your child. I took a different approach however. I wanted someone who I might have dated. I wanted the physical features that I am attracted to, to be a part of my future child.  Height is a very big deal to me (I’m 5’9) and I wanted someone taller than me. I usually date guys that are around 6’2. I also tend to date men with a more athletic/slim build. Most of my dates were in the 180-200 range. So with those criteria in mind, I narrowed it down to men who were at least 6’0 and in the preferred weight range.

From there I narrowed it down based on the ID option. The ID option allows the child to contact the donor after they reach 18 should they so desire. In my research on children conceived with donor sperm, the main complaint was that they had no clue who their biological father was and would never have the chance to meet him. These children were conceived with anonymous donor sperm.  With that in mind, I decided that I want my child to be able to contact their father should they so desire.

That left me with about 80 or so donors to consider.

After reading the profiles, I narrowed it down to about 20 that I liked and from there it became about medical backgrounds and just the overall gut feeling that I had. Two donors in particular stood out to me. My first choice was 6’2, 180lbs, clean medical history and was described very well by the staff (personality, manners, etc). My second choice was 6’0, 185lbs, clean medical history with the exception of both paternal grandparents having passed at a relatively young age (late 60’s – early 70’s), he worked in the psychiatric field and I liked that. It made sense that he would understand a child’s desire to meet him one day. However the medical history thing really did bother me. Both of my grandparents on my maternal side are living and both in their 80’s.  On my paternal side, my grandfather passed away very young (mid 40’s) of a heart attack. However, my grandmother is still living and will be 80 this year.  So with all of that in mind, I decided to go with my first choice. I purchased his baby picture (totally adorable) and ultimately decided to purchase his adult picture. To my joyous delight, he actually looks like someone I would date; great smile and facial features. And with a BA in marketing seems to be on a good path. 

So all in all, I feel it was a great pick. A true testament to my belief of “go with your gut!”

The post above may make it seem like picking a donor was like choosing a dress for an event. Looking back at it now I realize that I didn't accurately portray the thought and consideration that went into it. It was a very tedious task for me. After all, you are choosing half of your child's makeup. But with donor conception you are limited in your decision making when it comes to personality types and such. However, from what I read in the donor's profile and what I heard of him (they have audio clips) I really felt that he was the right choice. He seems like an all-around good guy that has goals and ambitions. The staff described him as very polite and thoughtful and those things also played a role in my choosing him. All in all, it's going to be a "wait and see" situation. But I guess that's the case with all children. I've watched many a child over the years be raised to act, walk, talk, believe, a certain way and then completely walk away from all they've been taught and go in another direction entirely.