What You See.

We've all been there. That tinge of jealousy you feel when reading someone else's post on Facebook.

"Thanks to my amazing hubby for the early birthday present! I love you so much!"
"We're pregnant....AGAIN!"
"Vacation in the Bahamas!!"
"Just bought a new house!!!"


But what you see isn't always what you get. In fact, it's been my experience that most of the time what you see is NOT what you get. I've known firsthand for posts gushing with love for a spouse or a boyfriend to come from couples struggling to make it day to day in their relationships. Posts about excitement over pregnancies don't show the pain and suffering that came from the many injections needed for IVF. Or the grief that came with the pregnancy that ended too soon. Those posting vacation pictures don't tell you that the family argued the entire trip and their relationships will never be the same. And while John Doe my have a new house, John Doe also has debt that will hang over his head for 30 years forcing him to count pennies the entire time.

This is not meant to call anyone out or shame anyone. Certainly no one is of any obligation to post the intimate details of their lives online. And in fact, we all know someone who posts things that are TOO intimate. No, sir. I do not wish to see the pictures of your gallbladder surgery. No, ma'am. I don't need to know you and your mother had a huge fight and you're done talking to her.

My point is simply this: take Facebook and other social media sites with a grain of salt. And by all means, do NOT use them as a measuring stick for your own life. Just because someone achieved something prior to you and without your specific struggle, doesn't mean they didn't struggle. Nor does it make you a failure for not achieving it yet.

Your life is meant to be lived by you; including both struggles and successes. Keep your eyes on YOUR prize. Keep a grateful heart. And when someone posts a picture of their amazing new adventure, "Like" it, comment if you wish, and then get back to your own amazing adventure.

Halfway There!

Today marks 20 weeks! We are officially halfway through this pregnancy! 

Sibling Rivalry.

Having a donor conception means that my daughter will/does have half siblings. The cryobank that my donor worked with has a family forum that they utilize to assist families of the same donor in connecting and gaining information.

Out of total curiosity one day, I decided to look up my donor.  As it turns out my daughter has at least 5 half siblings that I know of and according to one of the other mothers, there is a total of 20 offspring thus far.  My donor has been retired and the only people who have access to utilize him are those that already have offspring by him and are trying to add to their families. 

While my stance on families is that they are what you make them, I still have some issues with whether or not I will introduce my daughter to the possibility of her half siblings; finding, meeting, etc. I believe she has a right to know and a right to meet them, should all parties be willing. But, this concept is not one that I want to introduce early on. While I have no intention of hiding my daughter's conception story from her, as previously stated, I don't intend for it to be the primary topic of her childhood.  With my egg retrieval  I was actually able to obtain eight embryos that are at full 'blast" stage and ready to be transferred. Of those, I used two for this cycle, so that leaves me with six. It would/will be down the line a few years, but I do plan on having more than one child and plan on making the best of those remaining embryos. So, should God decide to bless my uterus again, my daughter will have at least one full sibling. 

This raises the question of when is the appropriate time to bring this topic up? I don't want to wait until she's a teen, I think that's a little too late. But I don't want to do it while she's still in elementary school. 

I plan on keeping in touch with some of the other mothers through email. Two of them are choice moms as well. We are going to exchange photos of our kids and such, but other than that I don't plan on them or their children having any contact with my daughter for quite some time. 

Being an only child, I can't fully understand the sibling connection. I do, however, have family and friends that have siblings and half siblings that they didn't know growing up. While every person is different and none of them have spoken with me about the matter, none of them have seemed too terribly bothered by the issue. They all view their current families as their families and seem to leave it at that. 

I guess this is just one of those "figure it out as you go" type of things. Time will tell. 

This and That.

It took me awhile but I finally realized that I haven't posted a picture of baby girl. Here she is in all of her glory.

Nonni thinks she is just beautiful and loved the fact that the nurse thought she was photogenic. Hehe. I had to bring her back down to earth: "Mom, they say that to everyone. And all babies look like that at this stage." I will say, she does look pretty darn cute in this picture though. Proud momma talking, of course.

Well last week was somewhat of a whirlwind but it's back to reality this week. I've got to start getting serious about my apartment. I need to get my table and chairs set up. They've arrived at the store, but I need to get them home and set up. That's one of the few bad things about not having a man. I can't just say, "Honey, go pick that up and bring it up here, please." Instead I have to call the concierge service and pray they'll get someone to pick it up and bring it to me without charging me an arm and leg.

Once that's done, it's mainly going to be about organization. I need to make sure everything has a place before we start adding on baby things. I've started doing some shopping, but I'll admit I've held back a bit. While the nurse said she was pretty certain it was a girl, she did say to leave the tags on things that I buy. Peanut's umbilical cord was in between her legs and she was not moving for anything. So, when I go back in 4 weeks, we're going to do another scan just to confirm. At that point, I'll feel better and start up with the cute clothes buying. I did however, purchase her something over the weekend. Every girl needs a party dress, right?

It looks a bit big in the picture, but it's itty-bitty. So precious I couldn't leave it there. It does still have the tags on it though, just in case she proves to be a he. 

On the actual pregnancy front, my back has become a complete and total wreck. I've been in quite a few car wrecks in the past and my back has taken a real beating; I have no curve in my spine nor my neck.  I've been pain free for awhile now, but I had a feeling the pregnancy would trigger the pain again. And has it ever. I've been on the heating pad for the past few days almost as soon as I get home. And I've actually brought to work with me a couple of days. It's my sciatic nerve and it seems to be getting worse. I plan to make an appointment with a chiropractor next week and see if I can get some relief. I would also love a pregnancy massage, but I haven't decided if I want to plunk down the funds. I'm reaching the stage where it's not safe to lay on my back for an extended period of time and that sucks. That's actually the only way I can get relief; flat on my back on a hard surface with my heating pad. I know this is part of pregnancy, but I have a feeling my case is worse than the "norm" given my back injury history. Say a quick prayer for me if you think about it. 

I'll sign off with the weekly baby bump shot: 

18 Weeks 

It's a.......

It's a GIRL!!!!!!!!

Thanks to Nonni, (my mom) for putting together a fabulous reveal dinner for the family. It was a wonderful evening!

How I Got Here.

As promised,  here is the first of two re-posts from my previous blog. This one explains how I came to the decision to become a Choice Mom.

Okay. Back story time.

I will try to keep this as short as possible seeing as how this is a blog and not a novel. Plus I’m already starting to write a novel, but that’s another story.

As said before, I am a 26.  I’ve been in the work force since I was 15 years old. Right out of high school I started working full-time and have done so ever since.  I’ve dated on and off and had a couple of serious relationships, but nothing ever worked out.  I was somewhat close to marriage with one of them, but the closer we got the more anxious HE got so that didn’t end well.  After him, I decided to do the ever-dreaded act of “lowering my standards.”  I realized that perhaps I was asking too much of a man and should give more guys a chance. And I did. And it sucked.  I don’t care what anyone says, I cannot settle. I just can’t.  (Nor do I recommend that ANYONE settle. It’s not worth it.)

So after this last dating spree, I started to realize that more than a mate, I really wanted a baby.  I’ve always been a little “baby crazy” so to speak.  However, I’ve always wanted to have my children at a younger age. I never wanted to be an “old mom” – meaning I didn’t want to be having my first child after 30. No offense to anyone who had their first child after 30 and the closer I get to 30 the more I realize it is not old.  However, I’ve heard the odds of getting pregnant drop drastically after 35. I know to some I am “still so young.” I’ve heard that phrase so many times it makes me want to puke.  However, the fact that I started seeing men as a means to a baby and not as a companion was a sign to me that what I was REALLY wanting was a baby, not a boyfriend/fiancé/husband.

Continuing on ….a few years back I started researching artificial insemination. Mainly just basic research online – how it worked, who was a candidate etc., but recently I began doing more extensive research. I read (and am still reading) articles, blogs, statistics and books – anything I could get my hands on about the subject. I ran it by a few friends and family members to get their reactions. The majority of the reactions were positive. Several of them were really worried about my ability to take on such a task (financially, emotionally, etc) but after talking it over with them and laying out my plan, most of them came around.  (Some are still a little leery, but that’s to be expected) Having done that, I put together a budget and a timeline. And finally, I made the big choice.  I’m going for it!

And there you have it. Hard to believe I wrote that almost 8 months ago. Yet here I sit with Peanut nicely snuggled in today. I was curious to see if my emotions towards this choice would change as time went on, but they haven't.  Well, actually they have, but they've only grown stronger. The further into this pregnancy I get the more I am certain that I made the right choice. 

It's On and Poppin!'

Hello bloggers and readers alike!

Today marks the beginning of the continuing story. But first, let me backtrack so you know exactly what the story is.

Back in March of this year (don't worry, I'll make this fast), I made the choice to become a mother on my own - a Choice Mom.  After several mishaps (the surprise of endometriosis, a failed IUI and multiple surgeries) I have officially become pregnant and am currently 12 weeks along with my precious Peanut.

Originally I was blogging my journey for the local newspaper, but as I'm getting further and further along in the pregnancy, I decided I wanted a blog with a more personal touch. Something I can make pretty and change up.  While I won't be re-posting every single post from my previous blog, I will be re-posting 2 specific posts that explain how I came to this decision and how I went about choosing a donor.

But for now, here I am; stage 2 of this incredible journey. I look forward to sharing all of my wishes and dreams, hopes and fears with you all.  Today, however, has yet to consist of  any wishes and dreams aside from my desire for a McDonald's biscuit and orange juice. But trust me, there's more than that to come.  Stay tuned cause Peanut has just officially "popped!" This is gonna be fun!