Operation Child Care = Completed!

If you read my previous post, you'll know I've been looking for personalized child care for Audrey since I was about 6 months pregnant, if not sooner. I've asked friends/relatives, looked at the online sites, posted on Facebook, etc. Originally I wanted a nanny in my home, but I quickly found that the going rates would not work with my budget availability. So, I started looking for an in-home daycare, but wanted it to be someone I knew or a referral. No luck. As the time crept closer and closer for me to go back to work, I knew I had to make SOME arrangements, even if they weren't long term ones.

While trolling Facebook one day, I noticed that my cousin-in-law (hehe) had posted an advertisement for a daycare run by their church. Though I've never wanted to put Audrey in daycare, if I HAD to, I preferred it be one that I knew could be trusted. After stopping by and meeting the staff, I decided to go ahead and enroll her there. It was going to be the best option even though it was going to be about a half hour trip each way from my house and back to work.

Saturday evening after returning home from the beach, I noticed my dogs eyes were practically swollen shut. An emergency trip to the vet revealed they were and also came with a very high price tag. That development along with a few other things have forced me to go back to work 2 weeks prior to my scheduled return. Although I had a place to take Audrey, I really didn't want her in a daycare setting until she was at least 8 weeks old (which will be next Tuesday). So, I decided to line up family and friends to keep her the remainder of this week (I am back at work today) and then take her to the daycare a week early. I lined up family for today and tomorrow but still needed someone for Thursday and Friday. So, I posted on Facebook that I was looking for a sitter and would pay.  A recently added friend of mine commented asking if I was looking for someone just up until Audrey was 8 weeks old. Long story short, after messaging I have found in-home care for Audrey!! And to sweeten the pot, it's only about 10 minutes from where I live!!!!! I could not be happier!! 

Warning: Pregnancy Hormone Rant Ahead.

Today is the first time I have actually felt like the world is falling out from underneath me.

For starters, I am at the point of having to enroll Peanut in daycare. The waiting list is already pushed out until the end of September and I don't need it to pushed any further. I already have no clue what I'll do with her for half of August and the majority of September. The registration of course comes with a fee, so I get to find that money somewhere in my endless stash.

Second, I've recently started thinking about my maternity leave in much greater detail. I'm currently planning on taking 8 weeks off. I will get vacation pay for the first 3 and then after that, STD will cover an additional 4, leaving me with only one week of fending for myself. However, due to the time I enrolled in STD, if Peanut arrives any time before 38 weeks (June 1st), my claim will not be covered and I will be totally screwed. I can always go back to work after 4 weeks, but then that leaves me without child care for even LONGER. And in that situation I have absolutely no clue what I would do. None.

Third, I really love my job, they've been great throughout the entire pregnancy and during all of my medical issues. However, I've been feeling very useless lately. I'm used to doing not only my job, but the job of at least three other people here. While some might see this as a blessing during pregnancy (and I get it), I hate feeling useless. I do my job and do it well, but I know I am capable of so much more.

Combine the three and I feel totally useless and helpless. Add in the fact that my sciatic nerve is now wrenched almost every hour of every day and it's a horrific cocktail. I am trying my best to just breathe and take things one day at a time, but it's not easy. I take my baths at night and lie in silence in my bed with all the lights on and my puppy next to me; no TV on, nothing. Just silence, sitting and thinking. I've attempted to watch shows on Hulu and I do okay for about an hour but then my mind actually trumps what I'm watching and I end up just turning it off.  I find myself taking naps around 7:30 P.M. every night and then lying awake in thought until 1:00 A.M.

Sadly I don't think there's a cure for what ails me, other than giving birth. I guess I will just remain in turmoil until that time. This too shall pass, right?

Anyone Know Where I Can Find Mary Poppins?

Obviously due to my route to motherhood, I am going to be a working mom and I am totally okay with that. Even if the circumstances had been different and I had been married, I still think I would have gone back to work. The thought of someone else being responsible for my survival is not something I'm very fond of.

Originally I planned on getting a nanny, but the prices they charge are almost equal to a regular full-time job. And I do get it; it is a full-time job. However, it is one you can go to in your pajamas, do your own thing when the kid is sleeping, watch movies, talk on the phone, eat, etc. I guess for that reason I hadn't expected the cost to be as unruly as I see it. The only nannies who are in my price range are about 19 years old and look like they are headed to the club. Not. Gonna. Happen.

So, unless some miracle happens between now and mid-August, I will have to put Peanut in daycare.

I hate daycare. Even before I worked in several, I have always hated them. After working at one, my fears were confirmed and I now hate them even more. The child/teacher ratio is ridiculous. No one person can give adequate attention to 6 infants without something or someONE falling by the wayside. I know some parents will argue and say that it's good for the children to be with other children and at an older age, I totally agree. But in infancy I totally disagree. A child that young doesn't need to socialize with their peers. They need to be cared for by adults. They need face time/bonding time and lots of it. The thought of my child just lying in a crib the majority of the day or on the floor on a blanket is very unsettling. And I don't care WHAT the teachers tell you, that's what happens. I know, I lived it.

But, I knew going in that this was a possibility.  I just keep reminding myself that it's not forever. Once she hits the age of really learning and grasping things I will find another alternative. I will NOT have a daycare teach my child. I know for a fact they have the young children watch movies that I do not approve of and if you read my previous post, you know that I don't approve of young children watching anything really. It's a group parenting mentality and I will not allow my daughter to experience it. If I have to sell my car and buy a clunker or do away with my iPhone to afford personalized care, so be it. What she experiences in her early years will shape a lot of her world in the years to come and I've made a commitment to ensuring that those experiences are what I choose for them to be and not what someone else thinks they should be.